Mark Twain Quotes

The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.

Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.

It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open one's mouth and remove all doubt.

Only one thing is impossible for God: To find any sense in any copyright law on the planet.

Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.

Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see.

Truth is stranger than fiction, but it is because Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities; Truth isn't.

But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?

I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.

When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.

It could probably be shown by facts and figures that there is no distinctly native criminal class except Congress.

I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.

If it's your job to eat a frog, it's best to do it first thing in the morning. And If it's your job to eat two frogs, it's best to eat the biggest one first.

Always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest.

It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble. It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.

It is by the goodness of God that in our country we have those three unspeakably precious things: freedom of speech, freedom of conscience, and the prudence never to practice either of them.

Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen.

If the world comes to an end, I want to be in Cincinnati. Everything comes there ten years later.

To succeed in life, you need two things: ignorance and confidence.

Patriot: the person who can holler the loudest without knowing what he is hollering about.

It ain't those parts of the Bible that I can't understand that bother me, it is the parts that I do understand.

What a wee little part of a person's life are his acts and his words! His real life is led in his head, and is known to none but himself.

When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it's a sure sign you're getting old.

Substitute 'damn' every time you're inclined to write 'very'; your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.

I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.

A round man cannot be expected to fit in a square hole right away. He must have time to modify his shape.

Don't tell fish stories where the people know you; but particularly, don't tell them where they know the fish.

There are basically two types of people. People who accomplish things, and people who claim to have accomplished things. The first group is less crowded.

As an example to others, and not that I care for moderation myself, it has always been my rule never to smoke when asleep, and never to refrain from smoking when awake.

When people do not respect us we are sharply offended; yet in his private heart no man much respects himself.

Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.

Everything human is pathetic. The secret source of humor itself is not joy but sorrow. There is no humor in heaven.

I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened.

There are people who can do all fine and heroic things but one - keep from telling their happiness to the unhappy.

What, sir, would the people of the earth be without woman? They would be scarce, sir, almighty scarce.

The Christian's Bible is a drug store. Its contents remain the same, but the medical practice changes.

Drag your thoughts away from your troubles... by the ears, by the heels, or any other way you can manage it.

Let us make a special effort to stop communicating with each other, so we can have some conversation.

She was not quite what you would call refined. She was not quite what you would call unrefined. She was the kind of person that keeps a parrot.

The right word may be effective, but no word was ever as effective as a rightly timed pause.

She was not quite what you would call refined. She was not quite what you would call unrefined. She was the kind of person that keeps a parrot.

The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and a lightning bug.

Good breeding consists in concealing how much we think of ourselves and how little we think of the other person.

It is just like man's vanity and impertinence to call an animal dumb because it is dumb to his dull perceptions.

Why is it that we rejoice at a birth and grieve at a funeral? It is because we are not the person involved.

The first of April is the day we remember what we are the other 364 days of the year.

Part of the secret of a success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside.

Biographies are but the clothes and buttons of the man. The biography of the man himself cannot be written.

I have been complimented many times and they always embarrass me; I always feel that they have not said enough.

George Washington, as a boy, was ignorant of the commonest accomplishments of youth. He could not even lie.

One of the most striking differences between a cat and a lie is that a cat has only nine lives.

The human race is a race of cowards; and I am not only marching in that procession but carrying a banner.

The main difference between a cat and a lie is that a cat only has nine lives.

Humor must not professedly teach and it must not professedly preach, but it must do both if it would live forever.

What a good thing Adam had. When he said a good thing he knew nobody had said it before.

Repartee is something we think of twenty-four hours too late.

Words are only painted fire; a look is the fire itself.

//Mark Twain Quotes//